Strange...
October 19, 2007, 7:52 p.m.
Philip has been having a rough time at work lately. I think it's going to be fine- in fact, I'm sure that it's going to be fine. It might be already. It's been a little strange, though- I read some letters he got from work, and some letters he wrote in response. Every time I read something insulting about him, I felt hurt. It was like I was reading things people wrote about me. I kept feeling stressed out and tight in the chest. I had to remind myself more than once that I was reading about someone else. And I had to remind myself, too, that Philip has this under control. He doesn't appear as stressed as I was feeling. Of course, he internalizes things, and I might not know how much this is getting to him.
I don't know if that's weird. It felt weird. It felt like I was taking on another person's stress- stress that the other person might not even have been feeling. Is that just marriage? I wonder if Philip feels that way when I'm under stress. I didn't think so. I mean, I know that when a person is stressed, they bring their feelings into a household. I know that during finals last year I snapped and kept weird hours and shirked chores. Obviously, that affects him. But does he actually worry when I worry, or feel afraid that he's going to fail when it's my grade on the line? Because that's what it felt like. I felt like I was being yelled at when I read those letters. I wasn't just upset because he gave off bad vibes, I was upset because I felt like MY job was in danger.
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