Not Speaking
August 17, 2007, 8:40 a.m.
I don't know what to do. We're not even speaking right now.
We were going to go out to EB games and get dinner, when at the last minute he wanted me to drive. I hate driving, and I really really hate doing it with no warning (especially if it's a drive I've never made before). I'm scared I'll get into an accident. I want to psych myself up for it, look at a map, and preferably see someone do it first.
Anyway, I didn't want to do it, and I tried to explain, but he wouldn't listen. I hate that. He treats me like it's his job to make sure I do what he thinks I need to. Personally, I think a spouse's job is to try and understand what I think I need to do, and then listen and help. But he gets mad at me, said "Fine, I'll drive, and I don't even want you to come". Then he left. That was the night before last, and we've barely spoken since then.
I get that I was whiny, and that I should have voiced my concerns in a more helpful way. He had/has a right to be mad at me over that. But He wouldn't even talk to me that night! I was sitting in the living room, starving, becausee it was his turn to make dinner and I didn't want to harass him about doing, when all of a sudden there's a knock on the door. It was the pizza guy. He ordered dinner, for only himself, without even warning me. So I could have a crappy dinner at eight o'clock. I would have had my crappy dinner at six if I'd known he was going to ignore me like that.
So, next day he comes home from work at won't even look at me. We talked a couple of times about logistical things, but basically he ignores me again. He leaves me alone for dinner again, too.
So, what did I do to deserve all this? Does he not understand how bullied I feel when he tries to get me to do things that scare me? And I know that I couldn't have explained myself better and more calmly, but we've had this conversation dozens of times before and I thought he already understood.
I'm leaving for the weekend. I won't see him until Sunday night, probably. I'll be getting back early-ish Sunday, but he'll probably already have left for the game store. I could come back on Saturday night, but with him not even speaking to me, I don't get the feeling he'd even want me to come along. I'm kind of relieved that I get to go away, but I don't know how I'm going to get through a weekend in front of other people. I'm scared to admit to my father how bad things are.
What if he won't even speak to me before school starts? How am I supposed to get through a difficult semester with this going on at home?
I think I might try and talk to him when he gets home from work. Unless he deliberately avoids seeing me, which I guess he might, he'll get home before I leave. On the one hand, this is my last chance before I won't see him and my last chance to find out if he even wants me to come hom Saturday. On the other, if it doesn't go well and he just yells at me or won't speak to me, I'll have to go straight from that to my dad and I'll have to pretend like it didn't happen. That will be hard. I could call him at lunch, but I'm not actually sure what time his lunch is.
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